so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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