Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
