I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
