Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
