I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
