Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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