I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
