i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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