dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
