things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
