Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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