The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
