Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
