i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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