if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
