is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
