New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
