Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
