I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
