Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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