Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
