it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
