You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
