I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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