Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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