Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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