You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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