You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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