So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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