i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
