She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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