I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
