remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
