I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
