GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
