I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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