So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
