If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
