i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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