I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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