its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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