It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
