Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
