trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
