...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
