coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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