remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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