they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
