I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
