We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize