you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
