Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
