Can i not drive my cunt home
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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