This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
