Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
