I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
