i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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