i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Actions speak louder than pants.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize