Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
