So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
