You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
